


Gifts

by pallidvixen



Category: Half Life Trilogy - Sally Green
Genre: Black Witches, Camping, Gen, Half Bad - Freeform, Half Wild, Invisibility, M/M, Pining, The Alliance - Freeform, Wales, White Witches, animal!nathan, casual nudity, nabriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallidvixen/pseuds/pallidvixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan needs to test out his new gifts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gifts

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place immediately following [Wales](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4123140). Spoilers for the events of _Half Bad_ and _Half Wild_.

I wash up in the stream. The water is freezing but I find it refreshing. I cup my hands together to drink it in. The water tastes so pure here. I return to our little camp and Gabriel is pulling some rolls out of his backpack. We eat the bread for breakfast. It’s old and mostly stale, but it’s food. I think about how he eats his croissants. I bet he wishes he had some right now. I wonder what we will do today. We have to be in Prague tomorrow. One last day of freedom before we have to go back to The Alliance. 

Gabriel licks a few crumbs from the corner of his mouth before looking up at me. 

“We need to test your new Gifts.” 

I know he’s right. I’ve tried to avoid thinking too much about them. Especially how I got them. I still don’t even really even know how to make cuts. It’s been mostly guessing. 

“I don’t even know which ones I have now.” 

“No?” 

“No. They forced me to memorize that list. All the people he killed, all the Gifts he took, but I don’t think it is true.” 

Gabriel is quiet. 

I continue, “I asked him about flying. He asked who he was supposed to have gotten that from. He told me it wasn’t true.” 

“So you can’t fly?” 

“Only as an animal. Like him.” 

“Well we can start with the ones we know he had. Invisibility. Time-stopping.” 

I roll my eyes. “Oh yeah, just the easy ones.” 

“We have a few days.” 

“Today and maybe part of tomorrow? I don’t know if I’ll be able to figure it out.” 

“If you don’t we will find people to help you access your Gifts. Van will know people.” 

“Do the others know?” 

“About your Gifts?” 

I nod at him. 

“I don’t think so.” 

He knows I haven’t told anyone. 

*** 

Stopping time seems like one of the hardest possible GIfts to master, so we decide to start with invisibility instead. I have no idea how many Gifts my father actually had and we only have so much time anyway. 

I concentrate on willing myself away into nothingness. Of course nothing happens. Refocusing, I close my eyes and picture myself fading away. Each atom coming undone from the rest of them until I am nothing anymore. Nothing but the most basic parts of matter. I’m trying not to get frustrated. Not to get angry. I open my eyes and find Gabriel carefully studying me. 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” 

I know I haven’t done it or he would have said something. 

“What were you thinking about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Maybe think of a shield? Something wrapping around you that cloaks your body?” 

“This isn’t like fucking Harry Potter.” 

I’m angry now. I know he is just trying to be helpful but I’m sad that I even have this ability now. The trick is not to care. About anything. I try to calm down, distance myself from the situation. I think of things I’m grateful for, the only thing that comes to mind is Gabriel. But then they start to trickle in. Being out of the bunker. Being away from people. There we go. I’m starting to relax again. 

“You flickered.” 

My eyes snap toward Gabriel. 

“I did?” 

“Yes, just for a moment.” 

Okay. Maybe being more relaxed helps? I focus on the sounds around us. The low rippling gurgle of the water near by. The wind through the trees. I picture myself as part of them. Being one with my surroundings. I take a deep breathe and look at Gabriel again. He is whipping his head back and forth looking all around. I grin to myself and slowly move away from him. 

He circles our little camp looking for me. I know he is trying to stay quiet to help me concentrate but I can tell he is worried. His concern wins out. 

“Nathan?” he whispers. 

I walk around Gabriel admiring him from all angles. I sense he is a bit panicked. The animal adrenaline starts to hit me. He can smell fear. Can I use both gifts at once? Is it possible to be animal me and invisible at the same time? 

“Nathan,” he calls out again, more loudly than before. 

I step up behind him and place my hand in front of his eyes. He stills but doesn’t move. I think he can see through my hand. I focus less on the environment around me and more on him now. I want him to see me. 

He startles and scrambles backward into my chest away from the hand that has just appeared in front of him. 

I move my hand to his shoulder to steady him and he turns around staring at me with wide eyes. 

“You did it!” 

My hand brushes up the side of his neck and I can feel his pulse hammering away. I don’t move my hand. He swallows nervously. I can feel the muscles in his neck moving. I want to kiss him then. My gaze falls to his mouth. His breathing is still uneven. I look up at him wondering what he’s thinking. His pupils dilate and he glances at my lips briefly before stepping back. 

My hand falls to my side. I miss the feel of his skin. 

“You did it,” he repeats. 

“Once.” 

Gabriel shakes his head. 

“Do it again.” 

‘Why?” 

“You’ll need more practice.” 

He straightens his shoulders and looks me up and down. 

“You’ll need to be able to do it in a variety of different conditions. Under pressure. At a moment's notice. How long do you think you can hold it?” 

*** 

We practice for hours. Gabriel throws things at me to simulate a combat situation which I think is stupid. Flying stones from the forest can’t mimic what we’ve been through. The more I practice the more quickly I can do it. It only takes a few seconds now. But seconds count. In seconds my father was mortally wounded. Gabriel times me. When I get down to two seconds we take a break. He fishes some apples out of his bag and I drink some more water. 

He tests if I can turn invisible mid-motion. I can’t. I try and try but I need to be still in order to do it. After that he wants to test how long I can stay invisible. So he starts to time me. When I stay invisible for an hour he concedes that it’s probably good enough. I bring up my thought about being able to use multiple gifts at once. 

“Have you ever heard of a witch using more than one Gift at a time?” 

“Most witches don’t have more than one Gift.” 

I roll my eyes at him before he continues. 

“But no, I haven’t. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible though.” 

“I wonder if I can be invisible as an animal.” 

“Only one way to find out.” 

I stand up and strip in front of him, this time not caring to go hide in the trees. I’m not embarrassed. I want him to see me. All of me. 

Gabriel’s gaze shifts to the woods behind me. My clothes slide to the floor in a haphazard pile. 

Gabriel clears his throat and looks up at my face. There is pink staining his cheeks. 

“Can you control which animal you shift into?” 

“Yes.” 

“How do you decide which one to choose?” 

“Depends on my mood.” 

He nods once and continues to pointedly not look down. 

I walk a few steps away from him and let the adrenaline come. When I look at him again we’re eye level with each other. 

_i hear him talking to us. animal me doesn’t understand. nathan should understand though. something. i’m supposed to be doing something. hunt. we hunt. that is what we do. no. there was something else. we don’t understand gabriel. i go toward him and push my snout against his neck. he smells good. we lick him. taste his skin. he stays very still. we need to feed him._

_we run and run and run. we hear fluttering wings. i jump into the air and snap my jaws around the neck of a small bird. feed him. animal me is hungry too. feed us. we find three more birds before we follow the scent trail back. i open my jaw and the dead doves fall to the ground in front of him. our offering. gabriel smells happy and excited. we are pleased._

I shift back to human. I look down and see that my hands and feet are muddy, the rest of me still seems fairly clean. I walk down to the water to rinse my hands and feet. When I get back Gabriel is plucking the birds cleans. I pick up my boxers and slid them on first. His gaze finally lifts from the dead doves and he looks me over. 

“You missed a spot.” 

I glance down at my body but don’t see anything. I study my hands, the tattoos staring back at me. 

Gabriel taps the side of his mouth. 

“Just here.” 

I remember this morning waking up wrapped around him, blood still ringing my mouth. I raise my hand to my mouth and wipe my fingers across my lips. They come away stained red. 

He quirks a smile at me and mutters something in French before turning his attention back to the doves. 

I wash my face and rinse out my mouth before returning to him. 

“Did you try?” 

“Try what?” 

“To go invisible when you were a wolf.” 

“Oh.” 

I had forgotten. I don’t think I can think or concentrate in the same way when I’m animal me. 

“I can’t do it. My thinking isn’t the same when I’m him.” 

He nods. “That doesn’t mean that there aren’t certain powers that can be used together though. Maybe you can stop time and be invisible at the same time.” 

I pull up my jeans and sit on the ground next to him before finding my shoes and socks. I see him looking at me as he continues to pluck the birds. I feel warmer under his gaze. Reluctantly I put on my shirt and jacket. 

What we have between us is fragile. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. He doesn’t push me. I think he’s waiting. I’m going to have to figure this out. Make up my mind. 

*** 

We sit around the fire that night. He cooked the birds over the flames. He muttered as they were roasted about needing to pack salt and pepper next time we did this. I wonder if I should have just eaten mine raw. I imagine Gabriel pulling a feather from my mouth and laughing. The thought of him smiling at me gives me a pulling sensation in my chest. I look over at him in the firelight. He’s so confident and sure of himself, except when it comes to me. I know this is my fault. He hesitates now around me. I want him to be easy and carefree. I think I want him to touch me. I think I want to touch _him_. My thoughts drift back to the last person I touched. 

I’ve been thinking about Annalise all day. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t even have these Gifts. My father’s Gifts. Being around Gabriel for two days straight has me thinking of her too. How I’m starting to feeling around Gabriel is how I felt around her. Relaxed. Excited. Nervous. A conflicting riot of emotions. 

But the one that concerns me most the the urge, the need to touch him. For him to touch me. He hasn’t done anything at all. I’ve been the one touching his arm, his shoulder, his hand. It’s all been under the guise of practicing my invisibility. He couldn’t see where I was, so I touched him to give me a clue. Something to prove I’m actually there. I touched his cheeks. His forearms. His back. His shoulders. His hip. His calves. 

Gabriel is solid and real and here with me now. All I have of Annalise are memories. Memories of her underneath me. Her beautiful skin. How soft she was. All the nights we spent together. All the dreams that I thought had finally come true. But it was too good to last. Or maybe it was never meant to be in the first place. I try to enjoy the memories I have of her, but now they only bring me pain and confusion. Not longing or desire. 

“You were right about her.” 

Gabriel nods once and stokes the fire with a stick. 

“I didn’t want to be.” 

“My father warned me. He said I should stay away from her. So did Arran at the beginning. They all did. My father told me to stay away from Whites.” 

“You are as much White as you are Black. You shouldn’t have to stay away.” 

“They don’t see it that way. You were right. When I told her what I had done...After that it was never the same.” 

“You mean about killing her brother?” 

“Yes. I never wanted her to see that side of me.” 

“What side? The side the that was defending others? That was fighting for your life? That was a survivor?” 

“The Black side. The me that was covered in blood. The me that knows how to kill. The me that shreds things apart.” 

“Never be ashamed of your Gift, Nathan. Never be afraid of who you are.” 

“I’m not. Not anymore.” 

“If someone doesn’t accept you, all of you, Black and White, they don’t deserve you.” 

It’s easier to talk about her now that I’m not in the bunker. I’m still worried about her. Even if she hurt me. Even if she doesn’t love me anymore. 

“She might be dead.” 

“She might.” 

“Would that make you happy?” 

“I would kill anyone who betrayed you, Nathan. Anyone who hurt you. I wouldn’t be happy about something that would make you unhappy. But I wouldn’t be sorry if you let her go.” 

I’m more worried that if she isn’t already dead I’ll be the one to kill her. 

*** 

I think about what he said as we lay down by the fire. I don’t know if I can let Annalise go, but I know that part of me wants to. She was the first person outside my family to show me kindness. She was my first. My obsession. She kept me sane while I was in my cage. Locked away. But that wasn’t really her. It was the idea of her. Now it’s Gabriel who keeps me grounded, who protects me. Who loves me. 

I feel a sinking, heavy feeling in my chest. Did she ever really love me? Did she only love what I allowed her to see? The White version of me. I tried so hard to shield her from the other parts of myself. Deep down, I know Gabriel is right. She should have loved me as a whole person. Gran did. Arran does. Both sides. All sides.

**Author's Note:**

> I realize the last book is coming out soon so I thought I had better get this up! Can't wait for the last book to come out! 
> 
> I'm [pallidvixen](http://pallidvixen.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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